[ To Express, To Reflect, To Give Back ]

Love and the joy of Fatherhood

Monday, March 28th, 2011

I have no clue how the last few months has rushed past my consciousness. Harini completes her full-term this week as we eagerly await the arrival of our second one. It seems as if it was only yesterday we started talking about a second child. As the ensuing months simply sprinted for me, I reckon it has been awfully tardy and burdensome for her.

Add Rishi to the equation and She can spend days elaborating on what it takes a go through a monumental 2nd pregnancy with a 2.5 year old constantly buzzing around your head. Don’t bother adding a clueless father to that equation, it gets really ugly.

Needless to say, I have been slipping by without a deep sense for what we are getting into. Of late, Rishi has been reminding me of the upcoming new release by saying ‘I love you, daddy!’ about 10 times within an hour. Over the course of a day, he must be uttering those words hundred times over between me, Harini and her mom. I cannot fathom what must be going on in his innocent mind, I do see he is preparing to face the reality of sharing his parents. Though he knows how to share toys with others, the moment he realizes what it means to share us, especially mommy, his tender heart is going to be sore.

One thing I am thankful to Rishi is he has shown me how to love. Shame on me, I didn’t realize it in the years that I have been married but better late than never. With the way Rishi loves us and expresses his love, I cringe with a sense of guilt that I am unable to reciprocate with same vigor and authenticity.

As part of our bedtime routine, I will read whatever book he choses that day and then we go through our motions of hugging, kissing, turning off the lights etc. I finally wrap him in his blanket and say “Night-Night, Rishi” and I walk out of his bedroom, just about to close the door…

“Daddy, Are you going to sleep with Harini?”

I lose my breath for a second.

I pause, “Yes, Rishi. Good Night! Sweet Dreams!”

“OK Daddy…”

Rishi loves Puzzle

I am glad he doesn’t say anything more because if he did, I would be in tears. I walk away with a heavy heart mixed with sense of love, warmth and guilt. It is with these subtle moments he has been giving me the precious joy of fatherhood.

I constantly question if all my love is self-centered around my desires. I am as much in love with my music or adventure sports or reading. Is all the myriad things that I get attracted to same as my love for Rishi or Harini or our to-be-born?

I wouldn’t trade anything else for the moments I spend with them but neither can I imagine going for months, if not days, without spending sometime with my other love affairs – reading or writing or playing tennis or whatever. Is it egregious to feel so? Thats the question I grapple with these days.

Our Family

Wednesday, January 28th, 2004

We were a typical Indian Middle class family, back in 1980s, when we grew up in Gandhipuram, Coimbatore, with my dad struggling to meet both ends, my mom helping him as much as she can, with all three of us kids, never bothering a bit about it. But for all of us three, for what we are today, its all because of our parents. We owe everybit of our life to them. I really thank God for getting me into such a nice family.

My Mother. – Vijaya K
She is a nice lady, perfectly managing the family and her social activities. We would have been nowhere without her. Thanks Mom, for all your caring and love. I miss you very much. She is a serious Chinmaya Mission member of Chinmaya Mission, Coimbatore, India.

My Father. – Krishnamachary S
He has been our real motivation and support all through our life. All through his life, he has only thought about his children and family. No other person would have been better than him. you are great dad. He works for SRVS, Kumbakonam. He has shuttle between coimbatore and kumbakonam every month to be with his family…poor man. He only knows how much pain it is.

My Sister. Krithika K
She is real cool. She is enjoying her PG college life. she is doing her MBA @ Amritha Institute of Technology, Coimbatore. She is also doing her ICWA. Unbelievably, for the amount of time she spends on TV and other things, She consistently Tops the class. Watches all the movies and listens to all latest music and gives me suggestions for the movies that I should look for here. Best, she loves our bruno so much and takes care of it like anything.

My Brother. Sridhar K
He is a terrific guy. He is a “Good Bad Ugly”, all in one guy. He is a Civil Engineer by profession. He has a very good reputation for his excellent and quality work. He is interested in spiritual activities. Reads a lot of self improvement books, latest being “The Seven Habits of the Executive People”. The only problem is, being so close to our bruno, unfortunately he has inherited some qualities from him !!!. He is aspiring to find his dream job in a HiTech Construction firms like Reliance, L&T etc. We want him to start his own business, but somehow he is not convinced. He managed to do a great job in recent interview for a job in kuwait, but unfortunately didnt work out in the third round.

Our Pet. Bruno
We lost our (original) bruno in 2001 ago. It was a terrible moment for us. He was another member of our family and it was hard to get over it. He was Bruno only to us, for others he was a monster. We wonder why he was always so ferocious, but anyway its better. Poor bruno, goes down like anything infront of krithi and sridhar. He knows its better to keep mum, than to get a big slap from sridhar. We all loved him so much. Dogs are really adorable, isn’t it ?.
A new comer is in now, with the same NAME!!!

Myself. Sudharshan K
I am the eldest of the three. I live and work in Detroit, MI, USA and miss all of them. You can read more about me elsewhere in About Me Sections and also know me more if you read my scrabbles on my dairy

My Beloved Wife, Harini
She is the latest addition to our family. We got married in Nov 6, 2003. She is very energetic, bubbling, carefree, creative and funny. She is really in crafts and specifically, making soft toys. She has already got a collection of two cute softies, a black monkey and a white puppy. They are very sweet and you can find them hanging on the walls or windows or bed or anywhere she thinks they should be on any given moment!. She is also into knitting. She has made a muffler for me. She is also making a few head bands(ear bands) to susi. She likes cooking and baking. She makes great north indian dishes and has tried her hands in making cakes and cookies. She is enjoying her time in our small river front apartment on hudson river, in jersey city, NJ overlooking Manhattan.