5.30AM Bursting out of my log-like sleep, I wake up to the early morning praise of the Lord in the christian evangelical FM station from the alarm. Next split-second, without any conscious effort, my hand coming from somewhere beneath the layers of blankets and a comforter, bangs on the big snooze. Retire to dead-state. Scorching eyes barely open swear to shatter the alarm on next snooze. As I quickly retreat by hand, it senses that it’s hell a lot colder outside than the cozy warm zone inside.
5.40AM BANG snooze!
5.50AM BANG snooze!
6.00 AM With a final frown I hit the small stop button and muster all the strength to move the comforter away and see the “outside” world. Every tiniest cell in my body begs not to do it. I crave “may be I can take another snooze”. The biological system that just got booted succumbs.
6.02 AM As the conscious nears another full shut down, the subconscious reminds “you hit ‘stop’ baby, it wont snooze again until tomorrow, stupid!”. Holy moly! It just takes a few seconds to remember what happened the last time. I propel myself out of the bed. It feels like I weigh 876 pounds and my center of axis is dangling all over the place.
I reach the bathroom, turn the lights on and pull the tap open. Closed overnight, the bathroom feels beautifully heated up. Why dont I give up the struggle and sleep in the bathroom! I look at the mirror. “Woh! thats the messiest of me I have ever seen”. Reminding me that I could have been lot nastier, I lend my palm into the running water. Freeezing! I take it back as fast I can and turn the knob all the way left to HOT. I look at the mirror again. Right eye is still half asleep.
I reach to the water again. Its still COLD. I convince myself that it takes a while for the hot water to reach three floors up. Touch. COLD. Touch. COLD. Touch. Better. Touch. Warm. Excited, I reach out and give a good splash on face. I feel better now looking at the mirror. I exchange a smile with the other guy. Even more excited that I dont feel sleepy anymore, I reach out with both my palms wide open to get another good splash. “SSSHHHIIITTT!!!” It’s freaking HOT now. In a haste, I turn the knob back all the way to the right. “No! thats not gooo”. I turn left again, right a bit and left. Finally, the ordeal is over and I give a well-deserved invigorating cleanup to my mouth.
Stepping out from the bathroom, cold air envelopes all around my body. I think, like I do everyday, “Whats the point in setting the thermostat to 70°F, it still feels damn cold and nowhere close to 70s”. As usual, I vouch to fix the leakages in windows and doors soon. Pulling up the blinds on the window, another wave of cold air from the glass gushes. A tiny shiver goes all the way to the brain. Even before the blind is halfway up, I see “white”. “Oh. Not again”. Feeling good that I had parked inside the garage, I glance around the front yard and street. It must be an inch of snow atleast and must be darn cold out there. I pick up the glass of water left overnight and before I take a sip I feel it’s ice cold. I try to hop on top of the comforters but the top is too cold to sit wearing shorts. I quickly move into a jogging suit and turn the tv on to weather channel. They were very happy to let us know that the our area weather reads 13°F and that it feel likes 7°F with a 23mph wind! I wonder what a strange country this is, after we had 68°F a few days ago. By the way, 7°F is -13° celsius. Pretty much, unliveable if left in it by ourselves. No wonder the heater is working hard all night. How long the poor thing can hold an entire space like ours at 70°F continuously?
After doing the same negotiations with the shower knob, I get ready to move out of the nest not forgetting that the moment I step out it is clean drop of full 50 degrees atleast! “Damn it, is this new jersey or the forsaken south pole!”. Though fully loaded up with two layers of jackets and inners, I know I cant hold on to my stearing wheels too long with my regular thin gloves, so I promptly grab the skiiing gloves.
As I walk to the car, I experience a multitude of things. The tiny water particles in my face and head freeze sending a cold shudder on to the skin. When cold air finds its way into my pants and shoes, every movement of the body rubs the skin against the now frozen pants. I already feel like as if I am stepping over ice cubes barefoot. As I breathe, chillness permeates through my nose into my lungs and I can feel it exactly wherever it moves all the way down to belly. My whole body tightens up unnoticed. Once in the car, settling down in the seat is a moment that i wont cherish. Maximum surface area of my body’s skin gets a solid bite of cold only now. The moment I turn the ignition on, cold air blows right onto my face from the heater. Cursing the weather yet again, I switch the blower to defrost and turn the heat to full. I already know my ears are turning red dissipating body heat. The air trapped all night inside the car is lot more colder for reasons I dont know. Not so often in a year, I see what I breath in and out and how much. I now see exactly how much air comes out, how fast and how frequently!. The gloves catch the cold shortly and I now feel it in my fingers. I try not to hold the wheels tightly, but I couldnt. The designer leather glove slips away so I hold the wheels tight. Another cold factor drives me crazy and I realize that I am snapping my teeth harder and harder that it hurts.
A few minutes on the highway, the heater brings life back to me. Suddenly, I sit down on my seat. I learn that I was actually floating a few cms above the seat without really sitting. I take a deep breathe and grab a dunkin donuts napkin (we save them you know for emergencies like this!) to wipe my running nose. Another few minutes, I start the game again, this time with the heater knob in the car. With loads of wool wear, the hot, hotter and hottest air from the heater soon becomes too much. Feeling miserable, I turn the heat down. Another few minutes, back to more heat. I start dreaming about the day when I buy my lexus or discovery with its own temperature control!
I park the car and get out of the temporary oven. Unbearable again, I turn my coats collar flaps over to cover my neck and pull the zipper all the way up. It feels better. I see there is some room still in there, so I stick my nose behind the collar flaps. As I walk a few steps towards the building, I sure felt something which must be a pain in the bones at the knee joints. I felt deeply sorry for those millions of homeless Americans who have to spend such fatally cold nights outside. I get into the building and before I walk a few steps to the elevator, I feel its lot warmer than I am dressed up for. I run the coat zipper all the way down to free myself of suffocation and quickly remind myself that all this pain I went through should be worth at least a blog!
[Were you wondering why an evangelical FM station out of all the music in America? Thats the only station our tiny receiver picks up clearly from where it is in that part of the house! Only after sevaral hundred snoozes it occured to me that it is a christian music. Never mind, its a lot better to wake up to than to brad pitt – aniston breakup!]
