[ To Express, To Reflect, To Give Back ]

How to connect with anyone in less than 90secs?

I finished listening to this book very recently. I picked it up casually from the free local library…just curious to find out if he can really say anything about truly connecting with people? I thought, even if he said one thing I didnt know, i would be more powerful as an individual that without it isnt it? Surprisingly, this is a wonderful book and I recommend to everyone as a casual read or listening. Some things I learnt/liked from this follows.

Three most important qualities that anyone should develop : Enthuisiasm, Curiousity and Humility. As he says, Enthusiasm is such a great addictive quality. Being enthusiastic will only take us further beyond and will never drag us down. Such a person would never be low in morale and will always be looking forward to next good thing. Curiousity, Nicholas rightly points out that is somethign we all had as kids, but we let it go when we become ‘educated’ and ‘civilized’. Kids never hesitate to ask questions and so should we all be. Never stop to seek. if we do, we stop to learn and stop to know and eventually stop to grow as a person. The third quality, Humility is the ultimate. This is also the toughest to practice. Its the ability to under represent ourselves as opposed to over projecting us. Just imagine, the first two qualities combined with the third, isnt it truly an ultimate combination of a true leader? Think of any great personality you know and they virtually will have these three in them.

Looking right into the eyes! Nicholas stresses this every few pages. Its partly scientific partly phsycological. I kind of agree when he says looking straight on to the other person’s eyes is the most direct connection between the two hearts. As I read this, I thought about this? How many times do we really see another persons eyes, right into it, right in the middle when we talk to anyone? Surprisingly we do it very least. We see their nose, chin, temple, eyes as a whole, lips, face, around the face but not many times right into the eyes for extended duration. Check yourself the next time you talk to someone. Besides, when you start looking right into the eyes, it tends to reflect you off. You will feel it when you practice it. You cant hold it for too long there. He suggests a great tip to practice looking into the eyes of anyone we meet, to make that first heart to heart connection. Look at their eyes for atleast 5-10 seconds, note the color of eyes but just note, dont have to remember. The effort you take to note the color of their eyes will keep you looking at their eyes for few seconds thereby connecting your hearts. It works for me. Try it.

Few other simple ideas from nicholas that are truly wonderful :

Always keep your hands “out” when meeting someone new. never put them in your coat pocket or trousers or in your back. The animal instincts in all of us wants to make sure we are safe and the only way we know for sure, atleast instinctively, is if the other person has nothing in their hands.

Try to mimic the other persons tempo, tone and style of speech and behaviour. This is again natural instincts I guess. He uses a fantastic way to describe this: When you say ‘I like you’ we actually mean ‘I am like you’. Do you see the subtle difference? Its like saying you and I are very similar and you do everything the way I like you to do. With this concept, if you read the last tip again, you know why its a good idea to imitate the other person when talking to them. Don’t overdo it. It must be very subtle. The other person based on your supposedly natural action and behaviour should like you and so will listen to you and hence will ‘agree’ with you. If they speak fast and loud, you also do that, but sneakily. To do a better job with this, listen and watch for a while before jumping in, this will give bit of a time for you to comprehend the other person and adjust yourself to present yourself in the best convincing way.

There is more I would want to share, but steal the book if you get a chance and experience it for yourself. If it works, lucky you!

A great note from the book : “Before people buy anything, they have to buy YOU”

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